Every week, I’m reminded of what a growth mindset is, and what it most certainly isn’t.
One of the most gratifying parts of my work is seeing people turn what they’ve learned through adversity into something useful for others, and bring that into their leadership. There is nothing better than seeing someone confidently own their story and their path, including the parts that haven’t been particularly easy.
A client recently shared how she wants to create a safe space for people who aspire to grow their careers while navigating personal struggles. A space where they don’t have to mask.
That stayed with me.
Because that matters, whether someone is masking neurodivergence, navigating trauma or balancing complex caring responsibilities. People don’t leave these parts of themselves at the office door, even when they become very good at making it look that way.
What it costs to fit in
Anyone who has masked their way through the early stages of their career will probably recognise the trade-off.
Perhaps you learned to work twice as hard to compensate for something you thought was a weakness. Perhaps you studied the unwritten rules of the workplace, carefully observed how others behaved, or became exceptionally good at anticipating what people expected of you.
Some of those strategies may have helped you progress. They may even have built resilience, resourcefulness and a remarkable ability to adapt.
But at what cost?
Imagine the contribution you could have made if you had felt safe enough to be yourself. Imagine the energy you might have saved, the ideas you might have shared, or the opportunities you might have pursued if you hadn’t spent so much time and effort trying to fit the mould.
Masking and adapting are not necessarily choices we make freely. Sometimes, they are ways of navigating environments where being different feels risky. And while they may help us get through a particular stage of life or career, the fact that a strategy has worked doesn’t mean it hasn’t come at a cost to our wellbeing.
This is one reason psychological safety matters. When people feel able to speak up, ask questions, acknowledge difficulties and contribute without constantly monitoring how they are perceived, they have more room to learn, collaborate and do meaningful work.
It is not about removing challenge or expecting everyone to feel comfortable all the time. It is about creating conditions in which people don’t have to spend so much energy protecting themselves from the environment in which they are supposed to thrive.
Growth is also about what you do with your experience
We often talk about growth mindset in terms of learning new skills, embracing challenges and persisting when things get difficult. And those are important parts of it.
But I think there is another dimension worth paying attention to.
Being intentional about who you become because of what you’ve been through, rather than simply despite it, is one expression of a growth mindset.
What have your experiences taught you about the kind of leader you want to be? What do you understand now that you didn’t understand before? And how might you use that understanding to make things a little easier, safer or better for someone coming after you?
Adversity doesn’t automatically make us wiser, more empathetic or better leaders. We can go through difficult experiences and emerge more guarded, more judgemental or more convinced that our way is the only way.
Reflection matters. So does what we choose to do with what we’ve learned.
The opposite of a growth mindset, in this context?
“I made it through without anyone’s help, so others should, too.”
I understand the temptation. There can be a certain pride in having made it on your own, especially when the road has been difficult. But turning our own survival strategy into a universal expectation for others is a different matter.
Just because we managed to succeed under certain conditions doesn’t mean those conditions were necessary, fair or conducive to everyone doing their best work.
And no amount of certifications or additional degrees can compensate for a lack of reflection on that one.
Because growth isn’t just about how far we’ve come. It is also about what we choose to do with what we’ve learned, and the kind of environment we help create for others.
Picture taken by my daughter Emilia.
