“You are exactly like I expected, after visiting your profile.”
This is one of my favorite compliments to receive from clients. In a digital world where it is easier than ever to create an almost superhuman, smooth-talking alter ego online—especially with the help of AI—this feedback reassures me that I am showing up authentically – as my true self. And in my work, trust is everything. If a client doesn’t trust me, we go nowhere.
But what happens when someone meets you in person and finds you to be very different from your online presence? Maybe the way they feel around you doesn’t match your words, or your words don’t align with your actions. Perhaps the way you express yourself online is entirely different from how you communicate in person.
Chances are, they will trust you less.
We all want to feel that we are dealing with the real thing. This certainly applies to leadership, both business and political. When something feels off, we become more guarded and share less. I know this is certainly true for me.
The Three Pillars of Trust
Professor Francis Frei explains that trust has a stable architecture built on three pillars: authenticity, logic, and empathy. We all tend to lean on at least one of these naturally, but if we experience trust issues, we likely “wobble” on at least one. You can watch her insightful breakdown of this concept in this video.
For a deeper dive, I highly recommend Unleashed: The Unapologetic Leader’s Guide to Empowering Everyone Around You, co-written by Francis Frei and Anne Morriss, as well as their other works on trust-building.
Authenticity: A Leadership Anchor
Authenticity, of course, is not an excuse to be unkind or dismissive—though some people seem to interpret it that way. It must be paired with empathy, especially if the goal is to foster trust. Authenticity is also not the same as simply being egoistic. Authenticity balances self-interest with empathy, while egoism is self-interest without regard for others. Also, authenticity fosters connection, while egoism creates distance.
If using the vocabulary of Frei and Morriss, authenticity seems to be my strongest anchor when it comes to generating trust. I also believe my empathy helps create a space where people feel safe and free from judgment. However, as a dyslexic fast talker who frequently switches between languages, I need to be intentional about ensuring my logic translates clearly when I communicate. Or in better words, does not wobble.
Authenticity is also one of my core values. That’s why I never use AI to write my posts or client communications. I do, however, sometimes let it help me with spelling and structure—because being real doesn’t mean refusing a helpful tool – especially if it can help my message stand out clearer.
Bringing Authenticity Back into Focus
In a time when trust is at an all-time low—whether in political and organizational leadership, media, or even in one another—it is critical that we refocus on authenticity.
As Brené Brown puts it:
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest.”
So, what is your trust anchor? And if you have critics, what do they doubt in you?
