How Much Emotion Is Too Much at Work?
Have you ever walked away from a tense workplace interaction wondering whether you responded or simply reacted? This is a common topic in coaching sessions, as professionals grapple with the delicate balance of emotional expression at work.
The key question is: Who was at the wheel—your emotion or you?
When emotions run high, it’s worth reflecting on a few critical aspects:
- Were you able to refer to your emotions, or did you become them?
- What was your intention in sharing?
- Did you consider longer term consequences?
- Was your response – or reaction- in alignment with your values?
- Would you choose to do the same thing again?
- To what extent did you feel like the above image in the heat of the moment?
Both responses and reactions can communicate disagreement, and both might disappoint or upset others. But they originate from different parts of the brain and have distinct impacts. One is a conscious choice; the other is an impulse.
The Difference Between Responding and Reacting
✔ A response allows you to distinguish between facts and emotions in your communication. It is intentional and considers long-term consequences.
⚠ A reaction is defensive and immediate, often bypassing logical thinking and future impact assessment.
When Emotional Regulation Goes Too Far
In today’s high-pressure work environments—where constant restructuring, global crises, and remote, complex teams are the norm—pushing back, setting boundaries, and expressing how things affect us is sometimes necessary. Leaders, including ourselves, need reminders that we are still human. Sometimes it is our moral duty to speak up against injustice, stand up for our beliefs and assert our boundaries.
However, emotional expression carries risks. As psychologist Susan David, Ph.D., whose work on Emotional Agility is a valuable resource, points out:
“Of course, there is always a risk that you will express an emotion or sentiment that’s important to you and the other person doesn’t reciprocate or even retaliates. This has to be a chance you’re willing to take, and you’ll be much better equipped to accept the consequences if your intention is to develop mutual understanding.” (HBR article)
The Takeaway
Expressing emotions at work isn’t about suppressing them or letting them take over—it’s about making a conscious choice. When we actively decide how to communicate our feelings, we gain clarity, self-respect, and a greater ability to accept whatever follows.
So next time tensions rise, take a moment. Are you responding, or are you reacting? The difference can shape both your relationships and your leadership impact.
Here is another valuable read from Psychology Today on how to distinguish between a response and a reaction. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/focus-forgiveness/201609/react-vs-respond#:~:text=A%20reaction%20is%20based%20in,hand%20usually%20comes%20more%20slowly.
