Did you know that some of the most beloved Christmas carols in the world’s allegedly happiest country are incredibly sad?
In my native Finland, many traditional carols are written in a minor key and often tell stories about grief, sadness and longing? There is the frozen sparrow that turns out to be a departed child, the poet in exile longing for home -both actually written by a distant relative of mine-, and the lonely elf who wanders through the winter night unable to sleep, just to mention a few. But despite their melancholy, these songs are deeply cherished. They honour simplicity, humanity and emotional honesty. In a country shaped by long winters and challenging history, they remind us that beauty does not disappear when life is difficult.
So why bring this into a conversation about leadership, mid-career transitions and the realities I often write about?
Quite simply because many mid-career professionals, including some of my clients, secretly dread the holidays. Beneath the pressure to perform, provide and show up with energy, people are also navigating loneliness, employment uncertainty, caring for ageing parents, relationship strain, financial loss or grief. The season has a way of amplifying emotions we normally keep contained, yet we feel guilty for having them at all.
Psychologist Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, writes about this very pressure. She reminds us that there is no need to manufacture joy simply because the calendar demands it.
Her words capture it clearly: “Give yourself the gift of being with your emotions, whatever they may be. How you feel is how you feel. Let these feelings pass through you, and remember that they do not last forever.”
Source: When Grief Looms Over Your Holiday Happiness, Susan David’s newsletter.
This is also one of the quiet lessons woven into Finland’s saddest Christmas songs. The country’s well-known happiness is not based on avoiding hardship or feeling jolly. It is rooted in accepting that difficult emotions are part of the human experience. Happiness grows not from forced positivity but from honesty, groundedness and the ability to find moments of meaning even in darkness.
Perhaps that is why these melancholic carols endure. They offer a reminder that we do not need to be perfect or cheerful to be whole. We simply need to meet ourselves as we are, and allow others to do the same.
If this season feels heavier than usual, your emotions are not a sign of failure. They are part of being human. And sometimes, like the Finnish elf carrying a candle through the snow, we move forward by holding onto a small light, even when the night around us is deep.
Source https://www.susandavid.com/newsletter/when-grief-looms-over-your-holiday-happiness/
Susan David Emotional Agility
