Watching the morning news today once again reminded me of the irony that self-doubt, like empathy, is extremely unevenly distributed. Often, the intelligent, reflective, and empathetic people we need as leaders have too much of it—while others, well… have far too little.
Neuroscientific research suggests that the brain processes verbal affirmations similarly to financial rewards. However, studies have shown that we tend to underestimate the positive impact of kind words on others. You can read more about this and how a simple compliment can make a significant difference in the Harvard Business Review article by Boothby, Zhao, and Bohns here. This aligns with what many of my clients share in our sessions: apart from the annual performance review—where only what gets measured gets managed—there is often a workplace culture where feedback is mostly given when something goes wrong. Far too many remain unaware of their unique strengths, impact, and potential. Many are therefore reluctant to step up and lead.
Knowing that intelligent, reflective, and empathetic individuals are often also low-ego and prone to self-doubt, anything we can do to help them recognize their strengths, impact, and value can be key to motivating them to fulfill this – benefiting not just their personal growth but also their organizations and society as a whole.
A pivotal moment for me personally, outside of my coaching role, was when a young man working at my local grocery store told me it was his last day. He had been accepted into a leadership program and wanted me to know how grateful he was to me and other customers who had consistently shown him respect and curiosity. He realized—contrary to his initial beliefs—that he was great with people and that a management career was worth pursuing. What I had considered just a genuinely pleasant daily chat turned out to be impactful for him. That moment made me even more intentional about ensuring the people around me feel seen and heard.
As a leadership coach, my mission is to help intelligent and empathetic individuals build the confidence to lead. But simple, everyday actions can be equally powerful. Let someone know what they did particularly well and the impact they had on you or the situation. Describe the valuable traits you see in them. Be genuine, be specific, and don’t assume they already know it!
So, who will you uplift today?
